J.R. and his Mommy at 12 weeks

Hello, all. I can't believe it's been six weeks! I reread through that last post before I started this, and it seems like all of that was just last week! And yet, we've had SO much happen in the last six weeks that it seems like forever ago at the same time. So let me start at the beginning:

J.R. is doing amazingly well. We've had no sickness, and my guess is that he's weighing about 10-11 pounds now. He's full of smiles, and I heard him laugh for the first time last weekend. :D

I am now only ten pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, and my mood is through the roof these days. My stretch marks have finally started to fade, though I'm still noticing that I've got new ones on the backs of my thighs. I'm losing weight, and yet I've got new stretch marks. That doesn't seem fair...

Breastfeeding is going well. He's a horrid nurser, but we've gotten used to each other now. He only nurses for about five minutes per side before he starts squirming around and getting fussy. I finally discovered that it wasn't gas causing that. My little boy is impatient and has a short fuse. If the milk isn't coming out fast enough for him, he gets upset. It took about ten minutes of brainstorming with my mom when I thought he had a horrible side preference to figure that out. He doesn't fall asleep nursing very often anymore, unless he's already tired from missing his nap beforehand. Now I know that most often, when he starts getting fussy, he's getting tired, and I can rock him or put him in his swing to preempt any major breakdown he may have.

Now, for the car trip. Bryan and I were both seriously dreading the car ride from Virginia to Missouri. J.R. had this horrid habit of needing to be rocked to sleep, and you just can't do that in a car seat. But we managed to figure out what seemed to be exactly what he wants: We gave him his pacifier and tucked his blanket around him, similar to swaddling him. As long as he can see me or Bryan, he is quiet, and just drifts off to sleep all by himself. That car ride went so exceedingly well, SO much better than we expected. The only time he got really worked up was when he was hungry and I couldn't feed him right away. We had a system where we alternated between bottle and breast so that we didn't have to stop every two hours, and instead stopped every four. We bought a bottle warmer that plugs into the cigarette lighter or power port to heat up his milk, and we bought the Playtex VentAire bottles that are angled to be able to feed him better while he was in his car seat. So if it was time to breastfeed and we hadn't found a good spot to stop soon enough, he was mad. But that only happened a couple of times. And it didn't seem to bother anyone very much.

And since we've finally figured out what to do about his moods in the car, Bryan doesn't dread car rides with him anymore. We go nearly everywhere together. Now that we're in a town Bryan doesn't know and I do, I have to play tour guide and map lady anyway. But even when he knows how to get somewhere, he still wants me to go. And speaking of going places with J.R., we went grocery shopping at Walmart a couple weeks ago. It came time for J.R. to eat, but we knew that even if we went to leave at that moment, checking out, loading the truck, and driving home would all take too much time, and he would be screaming by the time we got home. So I stepped into a corner between two aisles, Bryan stood in front of me, and I latched J.R. on right there. I covered him with a blanket, and we made our way to the checkout. It was pretty comical. I've nursed in public before, but it was always at restaurants, I've never done it walking around a grocery store before.

Now for the reflux and gas. Neither bothers him nearly as much as I thought. I bought the Gripe Water by Little Remedies, and had been giving him that every night to calm his stomach, and then giving him the simethicone (Mylicon) drops after his nighttime feedings. I did both during the two-day car ride here. But I haven't done either for quite some time, and he is perfectly fine. He's still gassy, but it doesn't bother him. His reflux bothers him a little bit, but if I give him his pacifier, he's fine.

AND HE'S SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I am so elated! I'm getting all the sleep I need. J.R. goes to bed with the sun, right about 8:00pm. We have our little bedtime routine, and he falls asleep on his own. Then he doesn't wake up again until after 5:00am! He's been going in week-long cycles lately. This last week, he's been waking up about 6:00-6:30am. The week before, he was getting up at 1:30am and 6:30am. And the week before that, he was waking up at 3:00am and 7:00am. Right now, I'm loving the sleep I'm getting. He wakes up around 5:30-6:30am, nurses, and then sleeps until 8:30 or 9:00am! It's so wonderful! He goes to bed, and then I have time to clean up the kitchen, and tidy up the house a little bit. Bryan and I spend a little bit of time together, playing video games or just chatting, and I'm in bed by ten. I'm trying to get up about 1:00am to express milk. I've been doing so well with that lately, that I'm almost out of storage bags!

I did get very concerned about my mental health for a while. Bryan was getting very depressed because he still didn't have a job when we moved, and J.R. was difficult to deal with. I couldn't deal with the emotional upheaval of being a new mother and Bryan's depression as well. I seriously considered going on anti-depressants. I was going to talk to the midwife about it at my six-week checkup, but she made it seem like my issues with motherhood were normal. I didn't tell her about Bryan's issues, since he was there in the room with me. But I regretted it shortly after. Things got really rough the week before the move. But I'm doing so much better now. Bryan has a job he really likes, and he's making enough money to support me staying home. He's a much different person than he was in Virginia, and I've finally gotten the courage to bring up some of the issues that I want to see changed here. We're working on those, and things are going pretty well.

In other news, J.R. got to meet my dad last weekend. That was a momentous occasion that, unfortunately, Bryan had to miss. He's joined the Navy Reserves, and we discovered the Wednesday before my dad was to arrive that Bryan had to drill that weekend. It was pretty disappointing. We hadn't seen my father in almost four years. But he was willing to make the six-hour drive down here to see us, and I was more that happy to show off his grandson. It was a pleasant visit, I didn't want to bring up the tough stuff, but that made for a lot of awkward silences. It was understandable, though. Four years is a long time, and a lot happens, but I didn't figure he wanted to hear about most of what was going on with my mom's family. We talked about his family, and what was going on with J.R. now and in the first weeks of his life. We discussed his job and Bryan's job, and that was about it. But I was really glad he came down. I really want J.R. to know all the members of my family. I'm hoping sometime soon to be able to make the trip up to see Daddy and my grandparents. They've not even met Bryan!

Since J.R. likes rocking so much, we recently bought a swing and a rocking chair so that he can be rocked to sleep as he likes. He hated his swing at first, but he's falling asleep in it more and more. He's almost to the point where he takes every daytime nap in it! He fusses a lot if I'm too far away, like if I'm in the kitchen or something. But if I'm in the living room cleaning, he'll just watch me until he falls asleep. It's a very odd feeling knowing I'm someone's entire world. I can't explain how it feels when J.R. will literally stare at me the entire time he's in his car seat. When he gets tired on car rides, he will literally stare at me until he falls asleep. It makes my heart do funny things. Sometimes I feel bad when J.R. cries and cries as someone else holds him, and quiets down immediately when I take him. Daddy actually managed to tough it out and got J.R. to fall asleep in his arms a couple times while he was here. I feel especially bad when J.R. does that to Bryan. That's the tough part about being the parent at home. I am J.R.'s entire world during the day. Bryan's a planet that shows up in late afternoon. It's a little rough, but I think it will get better as Bryan spends more and more time with him.

In the meantime, I try to play with J.R. when I can. I read to him while I'm nursing, and I try to talk to him as I'm doing random stuff around the house. I say try because it's hard just talking randomly, I usually keep my thoughts to myself. I feel a little foolish just talking to someone who has no idea what I'm saying, and who sure isn't going to talk back. I'll sit him on my lap and have "conversations" with him, because he is starting to chatter to us. But while I'm doing chores, the house is usually quiet. At least until I remember to talk to J.R.

Well, I think that's about it for now. Let me try to find some recent pictures of him to post. My digital camera's packed somewhere, so I haven't been taking pictures like I'd like to. But our camcorder has a camera function, so I'll likely just get the disc from in there. It'd be awesome if I could figure out how to post the videos I've taken. Hmmm, let me do some research...

Okay, I couldn't find a way to get just the individual videos on here, so this is a whole DVD worth, about 20 minutes of video. If you want to sit through it, be my guest. Enjoy!!!