This week's issues

I realized most of my previous post, I talked mostly about what was going on outside my body in my world. For those of you who want to know, here's what's been going on with my ginormously huge *grin* body. (Bryan considers himself a very lucky husband, since I've not had any self-esteem "I'm so fat" issues)

I'll start at my head and work my way down. My hair: It's grown SO much. I finally broke down and got a couple inches taken off about a week ago. I hate getting my hair cut. But I want to use my Glamour Shots gift card that Bryan got me for Valentine's Day, and my hair looked horrible with all the split ends and stuff. But it looks much better now, even though I'm still trying to get used to the suddenness with which my ponytail ends. My eyes: I've noticed that when my eyes are tired, I'll see ghost outlines of everything. I'll move my hand across my line of vision, and it'll look like there's a strand of my hair stuck on the outside of my hand. It's really weird and horribly annoying at times. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, I kept looking for that strand of hair to take off my hand. I also have horrendous dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I have them normally anyway, because of wearing glasses, but the glasses themselves usually hid them. Now I can see them under my glasses and it bugs me. My nose: I've been more stuffed up lately, but I think it's weather-induced, it's been really warm here, and I'm sure that the pollen counts are sky-high. I don't really have much in the way of allergies, but I'm still slightly affected. My chest: Amazingly enough, I actually can still wear my B-cup bras. I can't wear them for too long, though, because the 34 part is too small. Bras in general right now are really uncomfortable because of the area on my stomach that my bosom rests on when I'm sitting. Junior loves to push his feet in that area, and I could swear there's a hernea there. It's horribly sensitive from both the inside and the outside. It hurts really badly when Junior pushes there with his feet, and also when it's touched from the outside. It's the worst on the right side, so I've started trying to make sure that I sleep leaning toward my left, so he doesn't get comfortable with his feet in such a painful spot. It's worked well so far. My lower stomach: I'm an OUTIE!!! It's so funny to see, because you can see my belly button poking out when I wear certain shirts. Because of where I had a belly button ring, I have this funny-looking arc over my belly button. (o That's what it looks like if you tilt your head to the left. Anyway, I also have some serious stretch marks on my belly now. I didn't have any until around 34 weeks along. Then they were all too low on my belly for me to see them except in a mirror. Now they've crept up and seem to be radiating out from my belly button. They don't bother me right now, but I can foresee the big possibility that they will really get to me after Junior's born. I loved my pre-pregnancy figure and loved wearing bikinis to show it off. I might be less inclined to do so with such horrid stretch marks. I also have them on my hips and upper thighs, all the way around, but those I'm less concerned with. They don't cover such an expansive area, and they're already starting to lessen as I quit gaining weight (finally). I've gained right at 40 pounds now. I shouldn't gain any more for the rest of the pregnancy. I might actually lose some of it since the baby should be fully developed and my body doesn't need all the extra stuff anymore. My feet: Because it's been so hot and humid here lately, with the Tropical Storm Barry around and all, my feet have started to swell again. My hands have too, I can't move my wedding rings. So I try to keep my feet elevated as much as I can. It's too hot to wear my support hose and especially my tube sox, so I just keep my feet elevated and try to keep cool indoors.

Temperature control: Ugh, my body is going nutso right now on temperature control. This last month or so, I've been getting so over-warm! This is SO not like me. Normally, I'm shivering at any temperature less than 70 in the house. Right now, we have our thermostat set at 65. Bryan is loving it because he's almost always too warm at anything above 70. But even still, when I go to bed, I sweat buckets. It may be gross, but I actually was waking up several times the other night thinking my water had broken, because I had my legs together, sleeping on my side, and where the skin met had been sweating profusely. I HATE it! I'm not used to sweating like that, I never used to. I never used to feel as over-warm as I have been, either. It's probably wreaking havoc on our electric bill, but we're both comfortable. I broke down and moved our fan back into the bedroom. We had it out on the landing at the top of the stairs to circulate the air and make room in the bedroom for Junior's bed. It's really in the way right now, but I didn't get nearly as uncomfortable and sweaty the past two nights, so it was worth it.

Emotional issues: Like I said earlier, I haven't really had any of the "I feel like such a fat cow/whale" issues. I know why my body is like it is, and the extra weight and stretch marks are the sacrifice I make for being able to have this little miracle of ours. But I've been thinking more and more about my post-pregnant body, and wondering if I'll be wearing my maternity clothes forever after he's born. As I said, I loved my pre-pregnant figure, and really would like to get that back. I know it's not going to happen immediately by any means, but I'm hoping to be able to wear my complete pre-pregnant wardrobe by the time he's six months old. I really don't want to have to go out and buy a new wardrobe, as much as I love to shop. We don't really have the finances to do that, with the baby and the move and all, so I'd end up wearing maternity clothes for a while longer. But there is hope. The way I'm carrying and the fact that I plan to breastfeed will both contribute to getting my figure back fairly quickly. In other emotional issues, I think I'm done freaking out about Junior coming early. I've been in early labor for three weeks now, as my cervix is dilating and such (ugh, Junior's got the hiccups... it gets annoying after a while), and that had me really worried that he would come early and I wouldn't have a mommy there. I told Bryan that I just wanted a mommy person that I knew to be there to talk me through labor, but he didn't believe me. He doesn't think I'd be satisfied with anyone other than my own mommy. But that's another can of worms. Anyway, for some reason, after my appointment on Wednesday, I was much more at ease about him coming early. I really think that he could come today (Friday) and I would be okay. With all the drama surrounding Bryan and my mom right now, I almost wonder if it wouldn't be for the best if he did come when she wasn't here. I'm really wondering if Bryan's not jealous of the relationship I have with my mom. I don't know, but he brought up being pushed aside again the other night, and had me really depressed the day after. My mom's a pretty understanding person, and if you tell her nicely that you need some alone time, or in Bryan's case, alone time with me, she'd be fine with that. She might be disappointed that she can't share in that time, but she'd be okay with it. Bryan isn't sure he believes me when I tell him that. The worst part is that I can't really prove it to him until the time comes. He's honestly got me really concerned about what this baby's delivery is going to be like. Here I was stressing over my mom and dad being around each other for the first time in years (they've been divorced for over 10 years and don't like each other very much), and I'd finally gotten over that, and now I'm worried about my two best friends in the world getting bad blood between them. I don't want this baby's birth to end up tainted because of this. Heck, I'm even considering doing this completely alone, no Bryan, no mom. Kick them out of the room, and try not to think about it anymore. Bryan would never forgive me, but I would really really really go off the deep end if he and my mom ended up not getting along. He's such an independent person, and he can't understand the relationship I have with my mom. She's been my best friend my entire life until he came along, and now I have two best friends. He makes me feel like he wants me to rely solely on him, but I can't do that. I better stop this before I work myself into a tizzy. I'll have to talk to him about it when he gets home from work. He's not going to like it, but it needs to be taken care of before my mom gets here. This keeps up, and it's going to be bad for everyone. Especially me.

Better go.

TTFN!!!

Hopefully the next installment will be a birth story!!!