I'm Now a Woman Again, Not Just a Mother

Disclaimer: Any men that are reading that don't want to hear about women's issues, don't read past the first two paragraphs.

Yeah, I know, funny name for a post. I couldn't think of a better, tactful one. So here's the deal: Today's Monday, right? Yeah, so a week ago today I drove down to Lebanon to stay with Bryan's mom. Bryan left shortly before noon the Sunday before to catch a plane to Detroit, Michigan for a business trip. He wouldn't be returning until late Friday morning. I didn't want to be home by myself that long, even though I was going to have a vehicle. I am comfortable enough with Bryan's mom and stepdad to spend nights there, so J.R. and I were going to pass the time without Bryan with them. But I didn't realize how hard it is to not have the comforts of home. I had to bring so much stuff for J.R. just so I could make sure he was comfortable, but I forgot about me. I brought his swing, his feeding chair, his baby food, his bedtime book, his swaddling blanket, his toys, his stroller, his playmat, and his pacifiers, but I forgot to bring stuff to keep myself occupied. They have satellite TV, so I watched that some, and they've got tons of books, so I could have read some of those. But it's still really stressful not having a real place that feels like mine to escape to and de-stress. My stress level got way too high. It got so high that even Nancy got to see me get frustrated with J.R., and normally, that doesn't happen when we're away from home and I don't have as many responsibilities. I ended up having to stave off two or three panic attacks over this past weekend, and one more tonight when we got home.

I drove back up to Columbia on Friday to see Bryan. He had to drop off the company car that he took to the airport, so I had to pick him up from work. He came home to drop his stuff off at the house, and I met him there. We drove to his work, where he was given the rest of the day off. We had lunch and came back home to relax for the night before we drove back down to Lebanon the next for Bryan to see his parents. It was then that I discovered:

I had started my period. I was pretty shocked at first. I haven't had a period since September of last year. I was enjoying not having to deal with it. Luckily I had decided to prepare my bathroom for it a couple months ago, so I didn't have to send Bryan to the store or anything. But I wasn't prepared for what my period would be like without being on birth control. I had been pretty emotional that day, and now I knew why. But the next morning, I woke up with cramps, worse than I usually get, and I was so tired. To boot, Bryan had a pretty bad headache, so that made for a very bad day. We debated on not going to Lebanon, but Bryan's dad was expecting us. So we both agreed to try to put on a nice, brave face and go. I almost took Midol, but the directions say to ask a doctor before taking it while breastfeeding, so I didn't. It had an ingredient in it I'd never heard of, so I resisted the urge to take it anyway. I took two extra-strength Tylenol instead. They didn't help my cramps or Bryan's headache after he took some himself. Not fun. Usually, pre-baby, my cramps, if I had any, only lasted the first day. Not this time. I had to deal with them the next morning, too. And my back hurt on top of that. The stress was affecting my digestive tract. I hate stress. I blame stress for making me start my period again.

That is why I titled the post like I did. Starting my monthly again makes me a woman again. But it was still nice not having to deal with it for over a year. I went for 15 months without menstruating. It was awesome. I think I'm going to try to get back on birth control, to help regulate my period and lessen the symptoms that go with it. I had gone off because my prescription ran out through the military, and I hadn't seen a doc here, because I had no reason to. We were being careful enough not to worry about it. I just don't want to wait to find out how long it will take my body to get into a rhythm again.

Anyway, I've decided I don't want to be away from home for that long again and not have a space of my own to escape to. It's been rough on me, on my body, and consequently, on J.R. too. And that's not fair to him.

I'm working on getting a compilation DVD made of J.R. I have some new video of him, but it took me nearly a week to figure out how to get it on here the last time. Once I have that DVD made, it will be easier. So look for that in the next post or two.

TTFN!!!